Encouragement & Insightful

Books, friends and even strangers can give us gifts through words that can influence the way we perceive the world following tragic events. Paige's Mommy has found that many words that have resulted in a new way of thinking, coping and healing Of course, we cannot deny that some words are best left within a person's mind and do not need to be shared. :) In this section, we would like to share some excerpt from books that helped us to begin to prepare for this journey of healing.

The Arm Analogy-
A few thoughts to describe the challenges of living our lives after the loss of a child

- If my arm was cut off today, I would immediately know that it was gone but my body will go into shock to protect me. It will take some time for me to truly comprehend magnitude of my loss for quite some time- especially if it was unexpected.

- Eventually I would learn how to live and survive differently without my arm but I would never forget what I once had and that it is now gone. I would never “get over it”.

- It will be frustrating for myself and others to learn how to survive without my arm. My inner self would be forever changed and certain tasks or situations may be more challenging for me- please be patient.

- Sometimes a memory or a reminder will trigger a thought and I will need to talk about my arm. Acknowledge not only did my arm exist, but that it was fantastic when it was here. Help me to treasure those memories.

- Support me in my new life but love me for my whole self that is ever-changing. Please be sensitive to the fact that I am in the process of forming a new identity without making my loss my ENTIRE identity.

This group of excerpts are from my favorite grief book thus far, The Grieving Garden by Suzanne Redfern & Susan Gilbert. Although written in the author's worlds, I used "Paige" because it is so perfect.

"Although I haven't discovered the truth about life or death or grief that can somehow shift the Universe back into place, I do know that if I could have selected from every child in the entire world just one to be my daughter, I would have picked Paige. Even though she died before me, even though I suffer every day for the loss of her- no matter, I would choose her."

"It is a profound truth; we, the unluckiest of parents, would not replace our children for other children who might have outlived us, nor would we choose that they had never lived."

Despite my broken heart, I believe, I know, it was good fortune that allowed me to love and be loved by this child. She died before me. So living without her is the price. So be it. I grieve for her every day. Some days are harder than others. Still, I would pay any price to have had Paige as my daughter. Remembering this helps me to feel less of a victim. It helps me to balance light and dark."

"Some say we are here to learn how to love. Paige taught me more about love in her short time on Earth than I could have learned in a hundred lifetimes. Those of us who have lost children experience the ferocity of what it means to love- the ever-present depth of love- the whole of it. We are the parents who can say with certainty; I would choose this child again. Again and Again. Whatever the outcome".

Dearest Mommy,

When you wonder the meaning of life and love

Know that I am with you.

Close your eyes and feel me kissing you

in the gentle breeze of your cheek.

When you begin to doubt that you shall ever see me again

Quiet your mind and hear me,

I am in the whisper of the heavens

Speaking of your love

When you lose your identity

When you question who you are and where you are going

Open your heart and see me.

I am the twinkle in the stars smiling down upon you.

Lighting the path for your journey

When you awaken each morning

Not remembering your dreams

But feeling content and serene

Know that I was with you-

Filling your nights with thoughts of me

When you linger in the remnant pain

Wholeness seeming unfamiliar

Think of me and

Know that I am with you.

Touching you through the shared tears of a gentle friend

Easing the Pain

As the sunrise illuminates the desert sky

In the breathtaking glory, awaken your spirit

Think of our time, all too brief, but ever brilliant

When you were certain of us, together

When you were certain of your destiny.

Know that God created that moment in time,

Just for us

Dearest Mommy, I am with you always

- Joanne Cacciatore